Thursday, August 16, 2007

Alone time

My life falls apart when I get sick. Last week my kids and I caught a cold virus. It put us down with fever, chills, aches, relentless coughing, etc. Over a week later I am still as sick as day 1. Cameron has strep throat and has developed scarlet fever. We have him on a good antibiotic that should help him get over things a bit faster.

Being a mother is harder than I ever thought it would be. I believe that I have a lot of anxiety about various things that makes it difficult for me to cope and function in an effective way. I typically let my feelings of frustration and agitation build until I have a melt down and throw the kids in their beds so they will leave me alone for awhile. I have always been comfortable being alone. I miss my alone time where I have opportunity to ponder my life and different things that are of interest to me. Being a mother changes that dramatically. There is scarcly a minute to have your own thoughts. There are constant demands and questions. Sheldon left the house today with the kids for a little while. I cleaned the house. I enjoyed it. I had time to think and it was quiet for a change. I miss having my own thoughts. I wish I were better at finding a balance with the children.

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